The Birth of Nightwing
by StarGray
Summary: The story of how Robin became Nightwing, taking place after Starfire disappeared in 'How Long is Forever'. Takes place from Robin's pov. slight RxS OneShot


Disclaimer: I do not nor ever will own the Teen Titans. How depressing.

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I can remember that day as if it were yesterday. I've replayed it more that a thousand times in my head over the past twenty years, seeing if I could have stopped it from happening;

To see if I could have saved her.

I woke up at about six a.m., just like any other day. I went to the training room for about an hour, pounding all my morning stress into the punching bag. I took a shower, and spiked up my hair with the gel Starfire had picked out for me. The only reason I spiked it like I did was because she had said it looked good on me. If she was up when I was, which was almost every morning, she could have been helping me put the gel in my hair right now. God, it felt good to have her run her fingers through my hair.

When I finally walked downstairs, I saw Cyborg playing the game-station, and Raven reading a book on the couch. It was a normal morning…well, almost. It was usual for Beastboy to sleep in, but not Starfire. She was usually up at the same time I was.

But not today.

I ate my usual breakfast of ham, eggs, and a glass of orange juice, and turned on the radio, just enough to hear it without waking up the other two sleeping Titans, and not to disturb the other's activities. I had work to do.

At about ten o' clock, Beastboy came downstairs. He and Cyborg made waffles for themselves, and Beastboy took out his nail clippers, plopping himself down next to Raven. She glanced over at him for a moment, and noticed the nail clippers in his hands. Beastboy didn't seem to notice the look she was giving him, and began snipping away at his disgusting colored toenails. I shuddered, and turned to face the radio.

And then it happened.

I heard Raven shouting, and Beastboy screaming. I can't quite remember what they said, but Raven yelled at him for leaving his nail shavings on the coffee table, and he was too scared to retrieve them from her. The small metal device was enveloped in Raven's dark aura, and was left to suspend in the air next to her head. Beastboy walked sulkily towards the game station, and took the controller away from Cyborg in the middle of his game. That's when those two started shouting. I couldn't take it anymore. After I faintly heard Starfire's alarm go off, I blasted the radio in an attempt to drown out all the yelling.

I didn't even hear her come in.

When I finally heard her scream, I turned off the radio, and quickly spun around. There she was, standing there with tears in her eyes. Apparently, that day was a Tamaranean festival of friendship, and we were ruining it for her. She was afraid of losing us. I felt like such an asshole, ruining her day for her. I tried to reassure her that we would all be friends forever, and never drift apart. Yea, I knew how corny that sounded, but she seemed to believe me. I told her that this is what roommates did on earth, but she didn't think it was normal for friends to act like we were.

And that's when he came.

Our communicators all went off, and said there was a robbery at a museum downtown. We all ran out the door, but I stopped it the doorway. She was still standing in the living room, looking sadly at the beads that had broken just moments before; the beads that had represented our friendship to her were lying broken and discarded on the floor. Her eyes suddenly glowed their enchanting green, and she flew past me out the door. I looked at the beads one last time before dashing out the door behind her.

Raven quickly transported us to the museum, and we waited for the criminal to make himself known. Suddenly, we saw a man dressed in gold armor appear, and freeze two of the guards there. He was talking to himself, as most criminals did, and he made it known that he was just there to steal the Clock of Eternity, a priceless artifact of our time. Ugh, this made me sick. I hated people who were willing to harm others for just a little more money. This was just like any other greedy, selfish criminal we had faced before.

But this criminal stole something much more valuable than a clock that day.

The battle didn't take long, and the criminal took his prize. He said that he was going back to his time, and was taking the clock with him. I just stared at him, not even trying to stop him. But apparently, Starfire wasn't going to give up that easily. With one final effort to stop the criminal, she slammed her body into his. They were both headed towards the glowing blue portal. I jumped, trying to grab onto her, but it was to late. She sent herself and the criminal Warp into the portal, and disappeared. I remember shouting out her name over and over again. I couldn't believe that I had just given up, and couldn't save her.

The thing that most bothered me, though, aside from the fact that I couldn't save her, was the fact that the world went on like nothing had happened. The sun was still rising everyday, and still setting at night. The seasons continued to change, and weather continued to vary. But even though the world was still going on around me, mine had taken an abrupt halt. I thought I was going to go crazy without her there to be with me. God, I had been so stupid as to take her for granted. I continued to ignore my friends, and still had the faint hope that she would come back.

Come back for me, Starfire. Please.

After the museum had lost the clock, it went bankrupt, and it was being renovated into some technology center. The remaining three Titans and I attended the demolition, which was a mere week later, and I watched them tear down the last hope I had of Starfire ever returning. I stared at the museum being torn down, and clung onto the metal fence separating me from the building. Then something caught my eye. It was the entrance sign to the museum. There was a symbol underneath the writing. It was of a bird, spreading its wings to touch either side of the sign. The bird had no face, no expression, but was looking at something that couldn't be seen. That image was forever burned into my memory, and it's the symbol I would wear for the next twenty years of my life.

The next few months were rough for the Titans. Without Starfire there to be the mediator, all of us fought more and more. We accepted a girl named Terra into our team, despite my wishes. I wasn't going to let Starfire be replaced by some blonde runaway. But the others were glad to be a five-some again. Raven was especially glad that there was another girl in the Tower she could bond with, even if she didn't show it. But Terra betrayed us, leaving Beastboy heartbroken, Raven unusually emotionless, Cyborg depressed, and me angry beyond belief.

With the betrayal of Terra, and the disappearance of Starfire, Raven began to mistrust everything she knew. Her powers began deteriorating her mind, and we were forced to lock her in an asylum. All other occupants were transferred out, because they were scared of all the noises coming from Raven's room. Somehow during her stay there she was purified of her father's hold on her. She was no longer a fit portal into this realm, and he released his grip on her. Now, whenever we visited her, she bore a white cloak. But every time we saw her she grew less and less trusting. The last time I saw her was nineteen years ago, when she literally put up a wall between us, and claimed that she had no friends, only figments. I pitied her; she was alone, now.

And I could relate.

So almost a year after Star's disappearance, it was only Cyborg, Beastboy, and I left in the Tower. But without Raven or Starfire there, we all got on each other's nerves, a lot, and Beastboy left. We heard about him trying to be a solo hero, but he was beaten every time he charged a criminal. He tried to become an actor, but that career choice fell through too, and he now works in a traveling circus. I haven't seen him in about nineteen years as well. He's afraid to leave his cage.

With only Cyborg and I left, things got pretty rough, until the day that Slade reentered our lives. It was only the two of us versus Slade, the deranged madman who we thought to have disappeared since Terra was killed. He shut Cyborg down pretty quickly, and left me there to fight him. The fight lasted for what seemed like forever. My life had gone to hell since Starfire was stolen from me, and I wasn't about to let Slade have the privilege of beating me as well. That's when it happened. He mocked her memory, and told me how weak I was that I couldn't even save her. The image of Starfire flashed into my mind, and I lunged at him.

I killed Slade that day. I held his beating heart in my hand, and it felt so good. It took me a minute to realize what I had done. I knew I couldn't have faced the world anymore; I was a murderer. I had done something so heinous that even Slade hadn't stooped to my level. After recharging Cyborg, I fled without so much as a goodbye, and left Titans Tower forever.

I knew I couldn't go back to Bruce; that would be humiliating. I couldn't face anyone after this. So I went to the place I hated the most, the last place I could remember feeling this hopeless. It was Slade's old lair.

As I descended the steps, I saw the broken gears and littered floors. It looked exactly as I had last left it. I then noticed something lying on the floor. It was my uniform, the one I had worn after being Slade's unwilling apprentice. I knew I could never be Robin again; he had slowly begun to die the day Starfire disappeared. I picked up the uniform and looked at it. I wasn't Slade either. I tore off the metal armor and looked at what I had remaining. It was merely a black linen uniform. I put it on, and looked into one of the cracked glass screens on the walls. I looked almost exactly as I felt. My hair hung slightly above my shoulders, since I hadn't spiked it up in over a year, and I glared at my reflection through my masked eyes.

I knew that I still had to fight crime, that was a given. No matter how awful I felt, I still had a duty to the people I protected. But I still didn't know how I was going to show my face in the world again. Robin had murdered someone, even if that someone was a psychotic villain.

That's when I remembered the image on the museum's entrance sign, the image of the shadowed bird. I worked all night coming up with the design of my new uniform. In the morning I looked at my creation. I had used the same black linen that had made up my apprentice uniform, but had put the image of the bird on the chest of it, painted in blue. I put on the new outfit, and once again looked into the mirror. I would forever have the guilt of killing Slade on my mind, but I would also carry the hope of Starfire's return on my chest, directly over my heart.

The colors of the uniform were symbolic too. Black and Blue. Bruised. My heart and soul weren't _broken_; if they were I'd be dead. But instead they were bruised, bleeding on the inside, leaving a mark that would never go away. A scar. I also made a new mask, a slightly smaller one than before. My eyes weren't as open to danger anymore. I only had to look out for myself. But I still needed a name, a new name. All of my _past_ personas had died.

Richard Grayson had died the night his parents perished. I haven't used that name since then. Robin the Boy Wonder had died the day I was shot, and could no longer work by the side of Batman, a.k.a. Bruce Wayne. And now, Robin was dead. He was left bleeding when Starfire vanished into time, and was finally killed the day he took the life of another. All of my past names have only brought me pain. My new one, Nightwing, would last forever. I figured that I would finally die with that name. Because no matter what I did in life, no matter how rough my life ended up, I would die a bruised man, with Starfire's image blanketed over my chest.

As I looked around at the lair I was in, I decided to fix it up. I couldn't go back to the Tower, but I had to still keep up with the crime-ridden streets of Jump City. I used the money I had access to in order to create what looked like a second Batcave. I laid my Robin uniform inside a glass display case, and emptied out my old utility belt, spray painting it gray. The last item I took out was the Titan's old communicator. I glared down at it, my heart pounding in my chest, and threw it across the floor in anger. When it didn't break, I ran over to it to finish the job, but found that I could not. I still held the childlike hope that I would one day hear _her_ voice coming out of the device. Instead, I put it away, waiting for the day that I could take it out again, when she came back. She _was_ coming back. I didn't need to use a communicator anymore. I had no teammates or friends. I couldn't even count on myself. The only person I could have counted on in life was Starfire, and she wasn't here anymore.

She isn't here.

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You know what to do. Click that little button right there that says Go! 


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